fishing

He’s not just my Boyfriend.

Lately, I have been going through a hard time. We found a lump between my shoulders that looked like it needed checking just to be on the safe side. Booking an appointment proved difficult, although I live in a small town with just over 1 thousand people living here, everyday 10 minutes after the lines open the doctors are full! Makes sense though because our doctors and nurses are incredible!

A few days later I finally managed to get seen, at first the doctor laughed at me when I told her I didn't want to turn out like the hunchback of Notre Dame, which although it released my worry a little it did make me wonder what on earth I actually have. She told me that some people can have Cushings disease although it is extremely rare she decided to order me some tests just to rule it out. First was bloods which I am used to as I have them taken after every Epilepsy appointment, second was a 24 hour urine sample. It's been a week now and I have my bloods back which are all perfectly fine but I don't have any news on my urine.

Now I have always been one to worry, I worry about the world ending, I worry about the next time I will have a seizure basically, I worry about everything and anything and for those around me that can be pretty annoying especially for my other half Ryan.

Ryan has been in my life for over 2 years now and since the beginning he has been thrown into the deep end, we were little under 2 weeks into our relationship, (many girls at this stage are still holding in their farts) when we took a trip to Waitrose where I had a full-blown seizure and if that wasn't bad enough, I wet myself! the first time I have ever managed to wee myself during a seizure and it was in front of my boyfriend, stay classy Tamara! He was incredible though, although I briefly spoke to him about the condition and what it entails I didn't really go into that much detail it wasn't something I found easy to talk about either. Ryan however took it into his stride and did all the key things in which he should have.

A few months ago I also had another seizure after going almost 2 years without having a major seizure this one was a big one. Ryan was due to be up for work at 5 the following morning and at 11pm was when the seizure happened and I managed to bite a good chunk out of my tongue. Although Ryan had to be up in a couple of hours he still stuck by my side and mopped up all the blood and everything yet still managed to go to work the next day – My inspiration.

Last year I was diagnosed with Supra-ventricular tachycardia which is a problem with my heart which went unnoticed until I met Ryan and he always said "blimey, your heartbeat is fast!" Now you can imagine I thought he was trying to be funny in the sense that my heart beats faster whenever I see him, which I can assure you it doesn't in fact many days I'd happily hit him with a shovel! After a while his concern was getting out of hand so I booked in to the doctors in hopes that they would put him at ease, They didn't, now every few months I have to go to check-ups where I am yet to see another person around my age in the waiting room!

The point of this post is the fact that no matter how poorly I am or no matter what hurdle we come across Ryan is always there for me, he is my shoulder to cry on, my rock that keeps me upright when I feel like I can no longer put up with the sh*t that comes my way.  He is the guy still offering support after endless amounts of job rejections because my illness is something that leaves me a liability in the work place. He is the one who pushed me to start blogging because he believed that through blogging I could show everyone that my illness doesn't defy who I am and apart from a few bad days I can do pretty much everything healthy people can do.

Ryan I know I annoy you with my constant worrying and I know I am still yet to perfect the common soft-boiled egg but I am so eternally grateful for everything you do for me, I know for a fact it's just as hard if not harder on you than it is me but still you are there with your wide smile and even wider arms ready to face whatever life has in store for us next.

You aren't just a boyfriend to me Ryan, you're my hero and I thank my lucky stars for every day that I get to spend with you.

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